To celebrate its Fiftieth anniversary, the Ashram has themed every month. After working with Symbolism in January, it is now time for some Renunciation. We are all invited to go on a tapas: A commitment to change a habit for a certain amount of time (and maybe keep it forever). So the cookie jar is likely to remain full, as many people go no sugar. Of course, I am already working on different tapases for my body, including:
Don't eat like a pig,
No raisins for breakfast and
Out of bed - On the mat.
Still my February tapas does not entail anything physical. Having renounced my hair last year, it is now time to start at the root of things: My mind. Last week again, I cried so much, I even cried throughout our Bhajan Blast, almost forgetting how much I love to sing.
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Bhajans in the Radha Room |
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Francesca on Chat Control |
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the Blast |
Swami Samayananda asks me: Is there anything you can do, when you feel you are going down a negative spiral again? No answer comes to mind.Yet there is a trick that works for me when stressed. Whenever I think: Oh no, I still have to... and I have to... and...and... I have trained my mind into thinking: I don't have to do anything at all! ("ik moet... ik moet... ik moet... Ik moet helemaal niks!"). Though of course there are all sorts of things I actually do have to do (like the dishes), it helps me focus and see what is real and what is not. I buy myself some time and space to breathe.
So this month I will try to adapt this strategy to my negative thoughts. Whenever I think: I am worthless, everyone thinks I am insane, I never do anything right, I might as well be dead, I hope to catch myself while doing so and think: "I am here to learn" instead. And learning just isn't always easy. Sometimes the best lessons sting the most. So let's see if I can slow down my thoughts and let some air in. I definitly prefer to sing without tears. Especially with so many smiles around.
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Drawing a new version of ourselves in our evening class |
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With Rebecca, Palma, Francesca, Guenevere and myself |
'I am here to learn' sounds like a very wise and very true thing, can I adopt it?!
ReplyDeleteIf you take good care of it... ;-)
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