Space to Breathe

To celebrate its Fiftieth anniversary, the Ashram has themed every month. After working with Symbolism in January, it is now time for some Renunciation. We are all invited to go on a tapas: A commitment to change a habit for a certain amount of time (and maybe keep it forever). So the cookie jar is likely to remain full, as many people go no sugar. Of course, I am already working on different tapases for my body, including: Don't eat like a pig, No raisins for breakfast and Out of bed - On the mat.

Still my February tapas does not entail anything physical. Having renounced my hair last year, it is now time to start at the root of things: My mind. Last week again, I cried so much, I even cried throughout our Bhajan Blast, almost forgetting how much I love to sing.

Bhajans in the Radha Room

Francesca on Chat Control

the Blast

Swami Samayananda asks me: Is there anything you can do, when you feel you are going down a negative spiral again? No answer comes to mind.Yet there is a trick that works for me when stressed. Whenever I think: Oh no, I still have to... and I have to... and...and... I have trained my mind into thinking: I don't have to do anything at all! ("ik moet... ik moet... ik moet... Ik moet helemaal niks!"). Though of course there are all sorts of things I actually do have to do (like the dishes), it helps me focus and see what is real and what is not. I buy myself some time and space to breathe.

So this month I will try to adapt this strategy to my negative thoughts. Whenever I think: I am worthless, everyone thinks I am insane, I never do anything right, I might as well be dead, I hope to catch myself while doing so and think: "I am here to learn" instead. And learning just isn't always easy. Sometimes the best lessons sting the most. So let's see if I can slow down my thoughts and let some air in. I definitly prefer to sing without tears. Especially with so many smiles around.

Drawing a new version of ourselves in our evening class

With Rebecca, Palma, Francesca, Guenevere and myself