This Awesomeness is my Home

When asked what I think of kids, I generally say  I don’t like them. This is not true. I like their magic, their bright eyes, their curious minds. I envy their pink dresses and rainbow boots, their endless possibilities. But it’s their energy that is too much. The screaming and whining. The trampling over boundaries I had forgotten were there. But most of all, I am no responsible grown-up. How would I know what’s right for them? What if I break the baby I am holding? What if I scar them for life?

For here is the thing. The question of liking kids is not innocent anymore. It is loaded. At my age, it is a small step to: Do you have kids yourself? No? Do you want them? (time is ticking) And no I don’t. I guess I was born without a biological clock. Or it has been set to very last-minute.

I have been told that I will be lonely, that I am missing out. But with every choice I make, I am missing out on all sorts of things anyway. How much I would have missed if I hadn’t moved to the ashram! In other lives I am sure I have been a fine (or crappy) mother, granddad or midwife. In this life I have other things to do. Finding my balance is hard enough without runny noses to wipe.

Still this family week I am amazed at the joy the families bring to the ashram. They do karma yoga in the morning and there is kid’s program in the afternoon, while the parents partake in a much needed relaxation workshop. I end up joining the roaming minstrels, playing for the kids on the beach and on Easter rock in the scorching heat. It is fun sitting between all these little humans, explaining my autoharp, even singing "the river is flowing" for the umpteenth time.

On the final night there are performances on the outdoor stage under the trees, “Buitenkunst”-style. We are tired and mosquitos are eating us alive, but it is a wonderful end to a magical week. I thought family week would push me over the edge (and yes I was close), but it mainly made me feel even more appreciative of the ashram. We did such an awesome job. And guess what: This awesomeness is my home.

Summer Kitchen

Easter Rock

Garden Shed

Da Funk

Summer Bliss